his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
