Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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