fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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