so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
