put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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