I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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