the condom got lost in my hair
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
