the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
