my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
