Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
