A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
