All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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