the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
