the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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