then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
