Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
