I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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