dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
