This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
