he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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