guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
