I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
