I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
