my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
