just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
