So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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