I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
