Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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