i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
