ya dads aren't the best wingmen
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
