tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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