Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
