I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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