Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
