Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
