My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
