She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
