We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
