I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
