My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
