did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
