I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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