sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
