I wanna bring you to show and tell
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
