I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
