He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize