Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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