nut hugger
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
