The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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