where am i from again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just invented taco cereal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
