Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize