I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
