Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
