You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
