Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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