yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
