somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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