brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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