Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
