im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
