Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
