i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
