My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize