I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
