so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
