Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
zippers are such a cool invention
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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