sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
