He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
