this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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