You work out of a Hotel?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
